Can A Threesome Ruin Your Relationship?
Sunday, March 30th, 2008Men have many different kinds of fantasies. There are the “I’m famous” fantasies, where they fantasize about being sports heroes, rock stars, or rich businessmen. Then there are the “sexual fantasies”. If you ask men what their major fantasy is, chances are they will likely respond that it is making love with two women. They probably won’t even blink between the time of your question, and their response.
Just one?
I guess it is a psychological thing. After all, one woman has essentially all the same body parts as another. Why would men want two women, when they can be perfectly satisfied with one? That’s sort of a silly question because it is like asking why Bill Gates didn’t retire after making his first billion dollars. Men who make love to two women are revered by their male counterparts. It gives a man a feeling of accomplishment and achievement, making him feel like he’s the man .
I spoke to some men who were involved in a menage-a-trois (French for threesome) with their partners and all have the same post-experience reaction. They all feel let down and disappointed. You see, the purpose of fantasies is that they provide a goal or ambition we would like to have but never actually believe we will attain.
For example, if I have sexual fantasies about Brad Pitt, and by some miracle I actually fulfill that fantasy, despite how exciting I might think it is at the time, in retrospect I will likely feel a little disappointed because the fantasy element is gone. The whole purpose of a fantasy is that it’s an escape from real life. Once our fantasies- but not our goals- come to life, we have no mental escape from the daily stress of our lives. If you consider the consequences of three-way sex, both for you (the sense of disappointment and lost ambition) and your partner (distrust and jealously), you might hesitate before trying it.
Is three a crowd?
Yet, I am a realist. As much as I emphasize to men about the consequences of group sex, they don’t listen. Almost every man who has the opportunity to have three-way sex will take it. Chances are, that at some point in a relationship, your girlfriend or wife might teasingly ponder the subject and bring it up in a conversation. At this point, men stop thinking with their brain -as the blood flow heads south- and start pushing for the fantasy to come true. What men don’t realize is that most of the time, women will often start this kind of conversation in order to probe their partners’ secret fantasies and then use it against them.
To a woman, sharing her boyfriend/husband with another woman serves the purpose of pleasing her man . To a man, sharing his girlfriend/wife with another man is almost like seeing her get raped in front of him. It is a traumatic experience.
If you ask a woman to have group sex, the response will be extreme. Either she is into it or she is completely opposed. A sense of doubt and mistrust will creep up even if she is into it, because you are confessing your desire to make love to another woman. If she is completely opposed, she will think you are cheating on her, and are not satisfied by her. Either way your relationship will change. It might not end, but it will likely face some serious trust issues down the road.
Is it worth it? Some men will say yes, that every man should experience it once. Perhaps they are right, but chances are you can never fulfill this fantasy with someone you are in love with. My advice is simple, if you are in love with your partner, don’t bother asking her about group sex. Keep your fantasies as your fantasies. Without them, our lives would be a little more dull.